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Pain, petrified fear and volcanoes

Tony Halmarack (
Fri, 26 Jul 1996 16:24:42 +0100

From: (Tony Halmarack)
Subject: Pain, petrified fear and volcanoes
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 1996 16:24:42 +0100

In message <> anthony
awful wrote:

> > In message <> Anexia wrote:
> [...]
> > Though my own awareness leads me to see myself and other humans
> > as being subject to severe limitation in all aspects of their
> > being, there might reasonably be said to exist, an exclusive,
> > individual perception of reality.

Hello anthony,

Sorry for the delay but I moved recently - something I do several
times a year on a fairly regular basis - and got a chest
infection on arrival. So, I've been concentrating more on
breathing than writing lately.

I wrote the paragraph above, just in case there's any confusion,
and anybody thinks it matters, to which you responded:

> some people are in more pain than yourself.

Sad for them. Lucky for me. I'd like to keep it that way for as
long as possible.

> you have the comfort of using hallucinagens for exploration.

I haven't used hallucinogens for more than twenty years. I would
under some circumstances though, and I'm certainly proposing
their use by those of the dying and terminally ill who feel that
their situation might be helped by the use of these drugs.

> there are those in desperation. hopeless.

Maybe if all else failed, hallucinogens might catapult them out
of that unpleasant state of consciousness, especially if there
were people with the appropriate skills, prepared to assist.

>you are hopefull.

Most of the time I am. I hope it continues.

> the hope you have, envelopes your entire being.

Yes but this envelope's been through the system a few times
and there are a bit of wear beginning to show.

> you would enter the void as a doorway -- walking beyond.

I hope you're right about that. The last time I encountered
said manifestation, the pace was somewhat quicker than a walk
and in the other direction.

> maybe, hallucinagens applify fear

Maybe they do. Maybe in some cases this might be therapeutic.
For example, I have lived in varying degrees of fear for most of
my life. Maybe the experience of fear is a necessary part of the
natural process. I sometimes suspect that the manipulators of
the social system I live in, use threat as a tool. If they do,
it's certainly worked on me.

Just so that I can carry on with life despite these unresolved
fears, I seem to have developed a process where the fears become
encysted, sealed of from the functioning part of me. Like small
hard stones carried around in my baggage. As I go through life the
load of stones gets bigger dragging me down. I can no longer
address these fears consciously because they are so thoroughly
encapsulated. Neither can I put them down and walk away from

Then, along comes a fairly mild psychoactive drug like cannabis,
and the stones begin to crack. Out seeps the old fears, just when
I'm at my most sensitive and vulnerable. Now the fears are so
vivid and intense that the only thing I can do is deal with them
and ultimately accept them.
Ok, it can be very demanding and soon brings fatigue but at the
end of a session, I will be a few stones lighter.

LSD doesn't crack the stones and let the fear seep out it simply
melts the whole bag in a volcanic eruption of consciousness. As
it cools, a new terrain can be formed, travelled by a new being.

What if there are other people like me, weighed down and hobbled by
their fears? They may come to death's door too heavily burdened
to make the transition. They may hang about on the threshold for
months or years incapable of taking that final step, rooted in
abject misery.

I've seen it. I don't want it to happen to me. I wouldn't wish it
on any friend of mine.

> -- i'm not one to use needless drugs.

That seems very sensible to me, if there is no need for drugs,
why use them?

Best wishes,

Tony Halmarack =(*)=

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